Fight or Flight
Often times we feel pressured to make a decision because of preconceived notions we have in our heads. As I stated before I had no intentions on being a single parent. Therefore, I felt as though I needed to force a relationship where there was none. All because of these thoughts I had swirling around in my head. So I tried to make a relationship work.
It was a wonderful fall day with the colors of the leaves changing and the air fresh and crisp. Just a gorgeous day in the neighborhood what could possibly go wrong on the day.
My friends had arrived in town as we were planning on the christening of my daughter. I was so excited to see them as I had not in a while as one was in GA, the other in NYC. Plus I have been on mom duty along with working and just moving in with the father of my child. So I was beyond excited to get out the house and have a good time.
Babysitter was in check, damper bags packed, my girls are ready and so was I. Off we went to hang out for a night of laughs and fun. The night ran late and instead of getting my daughter in the middle of the night I would just get her in the morning so we head back to my house.
Morning arrived, I am feeding my precious love, laughing and joking with one of my girls. Suddenly, words of rage came flying my way and next thing I know… all hell breaks loose. How dare I stay out late, who do I think I am and so on. Of course things escalated and I am left wondering “what in the hell I have I gotten myself into”.
As I stood at the door vaguely listening to the police say…”someone has to leave” and another voice in the background saying..”I ain’t leaving”. A sense of peace came over me and I calmly turned around and said “no problem, I will leave”.
You see before I had my baby, I had plans on moving to GA, etc. however I felt the need to stay and make something out of nothing. But one thing I knew for sure in that moment was that I would never be in a situation where I will have to fight in my own home and this was clearly a house not a home.
I packed a bag, got my baby and I left. With a million thoughts running through my head, I immediately sprung into action. I called my boss and asked for a week off, called my mother and briefly told her what happened and she then called movers to come get my things and was on her way. Within the next day I was moved out that house and my way to GA. I was going to look for a job and find my baby and I a place to stay. I only knew one person at the time in GA and that was my friend. She assisted me and by the end of that week I had two jobs. I returned put in my notice, relocated and never looked back. Because it was in that moment of saying that I would leave, I realized that although I knew doing this alone would be a struggle, I also knew that she was my greatest strength and motivation to not settle and to give her and I the best life possible.
WORDS OF INSPIRATION
Sometimes you may feel as though you have no choice but to stay in a relationship but you do have a choice and that choice is yours to make! No one has to be in a relationship that is not good for them. A relationship where there is no love and pain. And although it seems terrifying to raise a child on your own, you will find strength, strength that you did not know you had. So stand strong, press forward, get your plans together and make moves!
Now therefore, do not be afraid. I will provide for and support you and your little ones. And he comforted them [imparting cheer, hope, strength] and spoke to their hearts [kindly]. -Genesis 50:21
Note: Domestic violence can be physical or psychological, and it can affect anyone of any age, gender, race, or sexual orientation. If you need help please seek help and/or contact the National Domestic Hotline.
